Friday, March 2, 2012

I need a Strong Heart =(

                Back to back isn’t something nice to hear and to handle. If you are not strong enough, I think you might collapse. I received something shocking back to back, one day after another. From yesterday till now, I could feel my heart is aching.  I am trying to calm myself down by taking a deep breath, but it seems that it’s useless.

                To be involved in a club administration matter, I am really happy. I am organizing events and people enjoy participating in my events. But when it comes to the process of planning and working out, when you have other admins which are not that helpful, I am really in a painful mode.

                It states that Capricorn-ians are those people that will grab all the things to do by themselves rather than letting other people do. This is because they are afraid the result will be different from what they expected if other people were to do it. And I happened to be this kind of person, I am a Capricorn.

                When it comes to club thing, though it isn’t within my task area, I will still take care of it and provide assistance. No matter secretary or vice president, I am always the one that handle everything. In short, I am an encyclopedia where people will always ask me if there is anything. Cause in their minds, I am the person who know-it-all.

                I thought I can change how the club works when I am the person in charge. However, I was wrong. Just the day before yesterday, I finally found a full team of admin to run the club. And suddenly, yesterday that person just posted in the group discussion page that she no longer can be an admin as she is no longer a Taylorian and will be furthering her studies in Taiwan.

                I couldn’t hold myself back upon reading that post. While everyone commented on it, I couldn’t bring myself to comment on it even with my presi tagged me in her comment. At that moment, I could feel aches near my heart area. Why must this happen when I thought it is over? I have to start all over again. I had a deep sleep and I thought I will be alright today.

                Shocking news won’t just come once. I just calculated the merchandise sales. And yea, the money received is not tally with the products sold. I try to work out on the list that they left to me, but it is so complicated that the more I study it, the more confused I am. I calculate it using my way and yea, RM20 is missing. When it comes to money term, I am really really helpless. When the account is not tally, it means the person in charge need to pay for it. Their term is already over, and now only I get the stuff, so how am I going to ask for it?

                Even without asking,  I can already guessed what answers they will give me. ‘I don’t know, I just received the money from her, I didn’t touch on it also’, ‘I gave all the money to her already’…I am sure these are what I get from them if I were to question them on the missing RM20.

                I wonder why these people who studied account can’t even manage money well? Why problems always occur on them when I thought I can neglect this task when I am not the treasurer? I never wanted to touch on money matter as I thought they can handle this simple task. Why would a treasurer not doing her job well when her only task is to manage money?

                It is not that I wanted to grab all the things to myself, but when I let other people handle, problems are sure to happen and in the end, I am the one that need to solve it. Wouldn’t it better if I handle it myself when I know other people will just create problems for me to solve? Prevention is always better than solving, isn’t it?

                Two problems happened back to back, my heart really can’t stand it. I try very hard to make my life simple, but these people are ruining it. I am getting more and more exhausted day by day. My heart is getting weaker and weaker. If these problems are going to happen again, I think I might faint. If these were to happen again, I guess I need to resign. I no longer have the energy to withstand all these shocking news anymore.

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