There is always someone like that.

Ranting out the problem you face on a social networking sites is childish, I know. But there are times you feel very frustrated that you needed a space to rant it out. Speaking to someone is good, but there are many times where you couldn't find a suitable person to can just listen to your ranting wholeheartedly. 

Do you ever encounter a person who seems so reliable but then you slowly realize he/she isn't that great but actually worst? He/she seems to be so reliable, a responsible person and could solve any problem. But then when things really get worse or trouble risen, he/she actually try to swift it away to other people like it is non of her business? I believe there is one like that wherever you go.

I do slowly realize the existence of this person in my new career path. At first, I do think she is reliable and a responsible person. Slowly, I get to know that she isn't that great though. I am not saying when trouble comes she should have take the whole responsibility. I mean we could have join responsibility and solve the problem together.

But what I have been getting is whenever we co-handle a project together, when a trouble comes she will try to put it all to me. And for those that she is in charged of, I am not idea why I am the one always getting blamed or scolded for all her wrongdoing. I can assist when you aren't free, but that wasn't my responsibility to deal with. 

You seems to be caring that you are taking all the necessary stuffs with you so that I do not have to bring that much. But all you do was packed everything yours into the bag and ask me to bring the whole bag saying you don't drive. Then what's the point acting like you are the one providing everything?

When you did some mistakes or encounter problem, you'll keep ranting for help. But when I needed guidance or assistance, are you really there to help me? You will only make it like I have done something very wrong and provide no solutions. 

I am really getting sick of this kind of person. Maybe you are good in befriending everyone, but I am different. I do not know why and how long I will need to get blamed on your behalf for all your mistakes.

泪。再一次。流下。

已过了很久。今年是第八年,这样就八年了。还以为一切都过了,放下了,不再难过了。

那一天,坐着同事的车回家。驾着车的他望过来坐着隔壁的我,问我要不要先把东西放在办公室。理所当然我会望回去回答他。就在那一刻,我脑海里出现一刻很熟悉的一幕。八年前,我也曾经这样望着那时的他, 我记得是很甜蜜的。我的心当时突然觉得很害怕,很害怕。我呆一下下。同事问了我两次,我才开到口回复他。

那个时候,我发现原来我根本还没放下八年前的事。我还很在意那时的伤。我害怕那时所发生的会重来一次。我好想找个人来聊聊,可是我说不出口。我不想把我的伤感带给别人。装没事是真的很难。曾经答应自己不要再为那时的事流泪,可是我做不到。我还是很想哭。

原来我那么的没用。